Leaving for Germany + All the Feelings
We are 4 days away from leaving for Germany
For those new, or unaware of this life changing update- I am headed to Germany for 3 weeks of Inpatient Therapy at a world renowned hospital for Cancer and Lyme Treatment. I will be undergoing a smorgasbord of treatments including Hyperthermia, Plasmapheresis. The clinic has a very high success rate, and for someone has Lyme dispersed throughout my entire brain and body, this is the best option for a chance at better health. (which obviously I so desperately want).
These 3 weeks will be full of back to back treatments, serious meds, and a lot of struggle. Hyperthermia, the main portion of treatment is when I will be put into a "Heat Chamber” and they will gradually raise my temperature to 107 degrees F. (42 Degrees C). Once my temperature hits that mark, I will be in that box for approximately 6 hours before being brought out. Lyme Bacteria can not live at that high temperature, and so the result is that the Lyme, no matter where it is in the body will die. I will undergo 2 of these particular treatments on 2 separate days. When the Lyme Bacteria dies, it releases a lot of toxins in the process, and the hospital will help me to safely detox these toxins to try and manage my symptoms coming out of the treatment.
This is just one treatment I will be undergoing, and I don’t want to bore anyone, but I thought I would share the seriousness of this treatment so those reading will have a small understanding of just what type of level of procedures I am facing down over the next month.
Day by day things are getting more and more real, and the idea of leaving my life, and the kids for 3 weeks is becoming a heavier idea. The guilt hangs heavy above my head leaving the kids. Of course, me being healthier and regaining my life would also be a massive win for them, and so me taking this trip should positively affect them. They also are young enough that likely they will look back on this time, and perhaps remember that mom went on a trip, but not remember the length or how they felt during it. They are being left in the hands of very capable family, who will love and care for them just as I do while I am gone. Matt, my husband will be away with me for 4 days, and 5 nights, and then will return to the kiddos.
Me and my babies, who I am eternally grateful for. Kenley (Almost 6) and Aubrey (3.5)
I am a huge homebody, I always have been, but since facing down illness, home has become my safe haven. Our bedroom is where I spend the majority of the time, and that space, and my therapy pug really equate comfort and healing to me. It will be very different to be in a different location for so long, and facing so many physical symptoms. I am bringing some comfort items from home, a favourite pillow, and a stuffed animal of both of the girls. Little touches like these I hope will bring a little bit of home with me to the hospital.
I have been continually telling myself that leaving for treatment isn’t selfish (though it does feel that way) and my husband has been quick to remind me during moments of weakness that I am doing this for others as well. That my close family and friends want this for me as well.
“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.”
I am working on meditation, and really trusting my body and my intuition over this last little bit. I am going to need to go inward during these treatments and time away, and I just know that it will be a transformative time in my life. How could it not be? I will be facing down the very things that have held me down over the last few years. I will be standing up (or laying down- HA) to the pain and illness that has plagued me. I am going to reclaim my health and my energy. My body wants to heal, and with the help of friends and family we are giving my body the chance. These doctors and nurses will guide me through this period in my life and will become my lifelines.
“Healing is hard work. Healing takes focus, energy, determination, and mostly, the ability to sit with the pain and struggle and give it the space it needs to be heard, and be released. Sit with it. Hear it. Release it.
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I am excited for this next step in my journey. I want to thank everyone who has sent loving messages, supported the Gofund me (which hit 15K- no way) and who are lifting me up in prayer and their thoughts over the next little while. I will be focusing on personal healing and being present, but I may pop on to my Instagram now and again for interaction, and positivity. Wishing you all the best, and I will see you on the flip side.